Thursday, January 13, 2005

Scrying the Future

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
- Abraham Lincoln.

Will I be glad that I made the decision to begin an English Literature Degree, or will I regret it? That was the title of the first piece of work I was set, and it got my mind working enough that I actually posted something here for the first time in months. I know you've missed me really.

Here's my reply to the question, anyway. Somewhat somber and introspective for me, I know, but never fear; I'll be back to my usual cantankerous self soon enough.

I cannot really answer this question as only after the course will the truth be revealed. I can say that I believe it to be a good choice, for if I thought otherwise this passage would not be being written.

I base that belief on my hopes; that I might find confirmation in this course of the direction I have chosen for myself and learn more of Literature, a topic the importance of which justifies the capital letter. The latter, at least, is guaranteed by the subject matter, while the other is less certain. Its realisation can come only with success. This course is a test I have set myself, that I might discover the truth of my own self-beliefs.

Failure will set me adrift in the world, for I am the sort to take failure hard and dismiss success. I fear to find that English, just as Chemistry was, is not for me. The thought that this could be a knee-jerk reaction taking me as far from my previous study as possible is never far from my mind. But more than that I fear that I will do the best I can and still not succeed. When one has no interest one can at least claim lack of motivation as an excuse and cling to the knowledge that one is capable of more. But to sink your heart into something and still fall short, that is the greatest failure of all.